i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
