non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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