made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
