talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
