I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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