I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
