she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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