I think I died a long time ago.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
