I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
