Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
