I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
