oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
