He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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