I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
