why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
