Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
