you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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