I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
