i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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