Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
