Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did I show you my penis last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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