they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
