it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Damn victory sex feels great
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
