Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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