I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I see more hoeing in ur future
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