Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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