i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
