wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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