what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
