fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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