we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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