Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
