Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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