I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
