After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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