For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
