My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
