Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need a burrito and a hug.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
