He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
