hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
