singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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