You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
