the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
