This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
