I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
