So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
