Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
