everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
