hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
