i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
