Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
