I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
