I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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