I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
