she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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