Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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