Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
