addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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