Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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