Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
