Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
