he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
