So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
