i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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