The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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