I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
a search helicopter?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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