remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
