dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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