I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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