Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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