drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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