Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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