She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
