bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dignity is for republicans.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize