If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
