so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
