No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
