Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
