Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
