Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
