So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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